Thursday Funnies

 

Writing Mistakes – Bad Vocabulary

• Amateur: A very good person in sports
• Cadet: A boy who carries golf clubs
• Cynical: A cynical lump of sugar is one pointed at the top
• Dead heat: Anything in such a raging heat that it would kill you
• Ignition: The art of not noticing
• Income: A yearly tax
• Individual: One piece of people
• Inter alia: Something in the ale
• Lie: An aversion to the truth
• Preposterous: a child born after his father’s death
• Quorum: Another word for quandary. It happens at meetings.
• Spectre: A man who cheers a football team
• Transparent: Something you can see through — for instance, a keyhole
• Snow: Rain, all popped out white
• Stars: The moon’s eggs

 

Writing Mistakes – Typos!

Random:

• Last night, when I ate dinner, I started joking.
  My friend hit my back very hard until I stopped.
  I was so lucky he was there!

Parents:

• I always ate lunch at school.
  But every day my mother made me suffer.

• My bed has three blankets
  and a large guilt my parents gave me.

• My father met us at the airport
  and gave me a big hog.
  Then he hogged my wife



Weddings:

• I have something exciting to tell you. My girlfriend and I got enraged last night!

• The groom was wearing a very nice croissant

• He lifted the veal off her face and gave her a big kiss.

Sports:

• When we won, I was so exciting I had goose pimps all over my body.

• Did I tell you I climbed half way up one of the tallest pigs in the world?

• It was so exciting to watch! The cheerleaders threw up high into the air.

A Recipe:

• -First, heat up your pants really hot, then add oil.
  -Put the cabbages in salt water. Then sit in the sink until the morning.
  -Next, chop all the vegetarians into little pieces.
  -Next, add a little Buddha and mix it all up.
  -When you are finished cooking, find a suitable bowel and eat it with chopsticks.

 





Random funny quotes:

For a long time now I have tried simply to write the best I can. Sometimes I have good luck and write better than I can.

I love being a writer. What I can’t stand is the paperwork.

A good head and good heart are always a formidable combination. But when you add to that a literate tongue or pen, then you have something very special.
{In all honesty....I like this one... :D}

The waste basket is the writer’s best friend.



The difference between an author and a horse is that the horse doesn’t understand the horse dealer’s language.

If writers were good businessmen, they’d have too much sense to be writers.

It’s a poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.

I just wrote a book, but don’t go out and buy it yet, because I don’t think it’s finished yet.

The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

Only a mediocre writer is always at his best.

Television has raised writing to a new low.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Copy from one, it’s plagiarism; copy from two, it’s research.



 

 

 

 

 

 

{Some found HERE}